Comedian, musician, satarist, and snappy dresser Dave Hill is releasing his new book, Tasteful Nudes today. It’s Hill’s first book and in addition to making a kickass rock video for its release, he also gave us 5 Reasons one should all go out and pick up a copy of Tasteful Nudes.

Reason #5
If you buy my book I will take you to Atlantic City, the popular funtime destination, for a full weekend or until the money ($140 USD) runs out, whichever comes first. Also, I will bring a gun. And maybe clown makeup. Not sure yet.

Reason #4
If you buy my book I will totally come over to your house and watch as many episodes of “Ice Loves Coco” with you as you want and I will give a full explanation as to why exactly I think their relationship works so well and we could all learn a lot from it (NOTE: This will happen during commercials. I am going to need a dry-erase board. And some Scotch maybe). In fact, if it’s cool with you, I would like to come over to your house and do this anyway whether you buy my book or not. Please let me know where your head is at with this.

Reason #3
If you buy my book I will see to it that your name, image, likeness, or other unequivocal aspect of your identity is never secretly used during a witchcraft ceremony and/or satanic mass taking place in the woods not far from your house ever again. If you’d rather I just send you a care package of delicious smoked meats instead, however, I’m happy to do that too. Your call. Personally, I’d go with the witchcraft thing, though. It’s not like you can relax while eating smoked meats if there’s crazy shit going on in the woods anyway. Trust me on this one.

Reason #2
If you buy my book I will personally call your high school boyfriend or girlfriend and tell them that actually, no, it was you who broke up with them, not the other way around, thank you very much. If at some point during our conversation, however, one thing leads to another and they end up inviting me over to their house for sex or, you know, whatever, I need you to be cool with that. You had a nice run but it’s time to move on already, dammit. That shit was years ago.

Reason #1
If you buy my book you will have a lifetime of reading enjoyment. Or at least several hours. The more I think about it, I guess it depends how fast or slow you read. Also, on a not-so-related note, I will make out with you. Just wanted to put that out there. Or maybe we could just go get a sandwich or something. I’m easy. Really, really easy.