Don Jamieson Twitter reviews ‘The Walking Dead’ episode 4:1

Welcome to the 1st installment of my Twitter reviews of the new season of The Walking Dead. From what I understand via social media, this is an extremely popular show. I have not ever and will not never watch one frame of it. I am anti-pop culture. I listen only to heavy metal, the last TV series I followed was All In The Family, and Vincent Price is my favorite new actor.

I also like strippers with stretch marks but that’s another story.

During the last season of Breaking Bad (another show I have never & will never watch) I couldn’t even look at my Twitter feed from Sunday afternoon until Monday afternoon as it was flooded with ‘BB’ chatter. I figured I must only follow chicks since nobody was tweeting about football season or the baseball playoffs. So knowing ‘TWD’ was about to start a new season I figured I’d use YOUR tweets to my advantage and see if I could figure out what was going on in each episode SOLELY by what everyone is saying on Twitter.

Season Four: Episode One (Original air date: October 13, 2013)
Ok I woke up hungover today, which all real men should’ve done after watching the NFL from 1p-midnight yesterday. For those flimsy ones who watched ‘TWD’ instead I read your comments on Twitter and based on them here’s my review of the show:

The 1st tweet I saw said that Merle (who, it turns out, is played by Michael Rooker from my favorite comedy movie Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer) was in a car listening to Motorhead. When I saw that I was like “Hey, I might have to start watching this shit!” As far as I’m concerned that should be a scene in EVERY show. Then I realized that it was from a repeat that was airing before the premiere. Too bad.

This week’s episode featured a zombie on a spike, a crying blood zombie and at one point it’s raining zombies, hallelujah!

There was also a scary-looking zombie lady that resembled Michael Jackson & a dude named Phineas who was a Harry Potter look-alike.

And I don’t know if there’s a lot of handicapped or elderly on the show, but there was LOTS of talk about walkers too.

The show is mostly watched by women and seems most popular in the Latin countries, Israel, France and the Middle East with the funniest butchering of the English language coming from the American fans.

According to one of them, Carl apparently got “a way lot more heartless” since the 3rd season. I don’t know if that’s “a way lot more” of a good thing or “a way lot more” of a bad thing?

Also, some broad named Beth is sexually frustrated, unlike her sister who I guess is kind of a whore. But Beth can’t hold on to dudes for some reason. Kind of like Jennifer Aniston used to be.

Andrea may be to blame for an airborne virus that killed a violet pig and a kid. Unlike the sexually-transmitted virus that Beth’s sister has undoubtedly contracted.

But probably the most important thing we learned from last night’s episode is that even in a zombie apocalypse, women shave their pits. Believe me, there’s nothing worse than hairy-pitted zombie women. I know, I’ve been to a Phish concert before.

My buddy Brad told me that ‘TWD’ was just a soap opera with zombies and I actually saw a tweet that kind of confirmed that. The tweeter hoped for “less drama and more zombies this season.” Can’t have this thing turning into ‘The Real Zombiewives of The Walking Dead’ now can we? Although many of the zombies do resemble Bethenny Frankel.

Be back here next Monday for another Tweet review of The Walking Dead and follow me at @realdonjamieson.