Kurt Metzger “White Precious,” is can’t miss stand-up comedy

At a certain point in his special White Precious, comedian Kurt Metzger homely refers to himself as “Uncle Kurt,” and he might be the kind of Uncle that you’d go visit on a regular basis to get away from the humdrum of everyday life. Erudite without being snobbish, while effecting an easygoing delivery style, Metzger manages to draw from a wild reliquary of scenarios and write extremely well about them – all of which makes the 36-year-old comedian’s first hour stand-up special good enough to share a named with an Oscar-nominated film.

To clarify, the idea of “Uncle Kurt” is only mentioned one time in this album, so it’s barely even a moniker – let alone an alter ego. However, Metzger’s stage presence is split: the tells-it-like-it-is/no-nonsense Kurt Metzger-persona is, “not enchanted by your whimsy” and really doesn’t like the state of Alaska. However, the sarcastic/satirical Kurt Metzger-persona believes that homosexuals should be firebombed in “God’s drone strikes” and can’t seem to hail a taxicab in New York City despite using “all of his whiteness.”

The first persona is humble and self-monitoring, yet direct; the second persona is given to extreme (and, thankfully, obvious) caricature. If the no-nonsense Metzger were to allow some degree of whimsy, one might imagine the caricaturing persona to be called “Uncle Kurt.” If one were to actually visit ‘Uncle Kurt’s’ abode, here is what one might find:

1. One or two recorded homilies (which Metzger might allege to stem from his days as an ordained minister) explaining that 75% of religion is “[using] your holes the right way.”
2. Five-thousand copies of Montel Williams’ $0.01 self-help book, Mountain, Get Out of My Way, which have been ironically piled into a small mountain against Uncle Kurt’s roommate’s door.
3. Said roommate, Steve, whom Uncle Kurt might claim marriage to – not because he loves Steve, or even prefers men, but so he can gain health insurance.
4. A black penis – which might get ‘mushed’ against your face.

If that last example seems strange or made up, then just know that the no-nonsense Kurt Metzger will call you a “Country Mouse,” and welcome you to life in the city. Yes – this version of Metzger is absolutely the kind of literate comic who will reference one of Aesop’s Fables in order to point out your own naivete. And if you prefer your literary knowledge in the form of movie references, don’t worry – no-nonsense Kurtz’ger has a joke about having “made a friend of horror” in New York City, just like the iconic Colonel Kurtz did in Apocalypse Now.

Specific bits like these are incredibly fun in any context, but what a prospective Kurt Metzger album-buyer should ultimately know is that the material on this album primarily serves as a jaunty window through which to view life’s events. Metzger has over ten years of experience in New York City – renting exorbitantly-priced rooms, losing iPads in cabs, and trying to connect with homeless people on a meaningful level. Such experiences and others add layers and layers of perspective with which to view other structural issues existing on the national level, such as gay marriage, veterans’ affairs, rape, and general bigotry. This is all to say that paying for a Kurt Metzger album is as much paying for relevant social discourse as it is paying for extremely well-written comedic bits about anal virginity, Walmart, and the degree to which the city of San Diego takes after Nazi Germany.

Kurt Metzger’s White Precious is available now on Amazon, iTunes, and CC:Stand-Up Direct.